We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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