Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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