You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
