You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
