I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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