i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
