I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
