OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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