So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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