come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
