Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
