Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
