Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
