I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
