Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
