What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
