the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
