Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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