just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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