Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
