Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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