P.S. I can't hear my feet
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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