i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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