And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
