its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
