I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
