Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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