so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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