My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
