I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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