why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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