the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
pop tarts are not kleenex
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
is it fun? or sober?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
