Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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