She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
