Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
