It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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