I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize