I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
