i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
