She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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