I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
