I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
