But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
