What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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