If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
