I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
