Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
