I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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