i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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