He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
