I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
