If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
