the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
