i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
