not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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