He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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