Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
