i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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