Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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