Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.

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(813): View more from Florida

I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him

(608): View more from Wisconsin

Just another sign I need to get out of this town

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it

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(928): View more from Arizona

I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore

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(517): View more from Michigan

Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.

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(302): View more from Delaware

I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.

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