There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
