We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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