And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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