I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
