Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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