Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
