All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
