happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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