A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
