Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize